I don’t like to harp over the internet. I’m not a harper. Not an internet harper anyway.
But the New Year has settled in and it seems I’m still stuck in this rut of dissatisfaction and loneliness, constantly waiting for something new and fun to happen. And in between doing something fun and waiting for the next exciting thing to happen, I’m just doing nothing with my life. I’m kind of fed up with all this waiting. I’m confused as to what it is I’m actually even waiting for. A career opportunity? A love interest? To leave and try something new? …dunno, just something….

I don’t normally get affected by Valentine’s day other than the fact that I mark it as being the day that nearly claimed my life (*dramatic prairie dog*). It’s tackiness overwhelms me and I obnoxiously blurt out “GAAAY!” and go off to find other singulars to do hang stuffs with and then everything else is hunky dory. I won’t tell you about the almost dying story, that can be for another time, if you ever ask me in person.
BUT, it has come to my attention that most of my good friends have now found themselves love interests as of late, or at the very least, someone to muck around and have fun with. So while everyone hypes up the excitement of tomorrow’s valentines day, I sit alone in an office eating the same old unhealthy junk, doing unpaid design work, reading a junior novelization of the Godzilla movie from ‘98 while Thom Yorke mournfully croons to me in the background. This shit is cray.
I heard my brain say, “Yo Carlo, first put down the Godzilla book you juvenile fuck, you’re not 10 anymore! And second, stop complaining about not doing things and just fuckin’ do it, dick!” 

I laugh and kid and joke all the day long but at night my mind just goes all Yoda. I know that what I want, won’t just come knocking at my door and in order to get the things I want, I will have to work for. It’s not like it’s quantum physics or anything, that shit is obvious. But it’s kinda hard when there’s nothing there to motivate me, y’know? Someone to be there as a partner. Just something there so I have strength to move on and fill the void so I can actually look forward to days like tomorrow and not be a forever alone, fuck-the-world kind of dude. Why does Valentine’s day have to be such a big “Fuck You!” to all of us singulars? Who’s idea was that? Look at this deep shit, I can’t believe I’m writing this.

To anyone who bothered reading this, (thanks) I haven’t gone whacko and need help. This isn’t a take pity on me thing. I’m just having the occasional epiphany and I was dead bored enough to write about it. Probably regretful. Feelings; that’s all people talk about on Tumblr anyway, amiright?
Anyway, It’s late and i’m clocking off. 

I leave you with this picture of a squirrel on a horse. Peace out, soul siblings.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/hotrod99/squirrel-on-a-horse-5bky